I wrote this in 2001, in the week before my husband's memorial service. I gave it to my pastor, #Ron Foster, to use in preparing the eulogy that he gave in church, complete with a video clip from Ferris Bueller's Day off. Sam and I attended the service with our Siberian husky, Voi. Probably not the most dignified memorial service ever, what with kids running around, a dog sitting quietly in front of one pew, and my singing along with Twist and Shout. But maybe Koz would have wanted it that way. Besides, I didn't actually have much control at the time. It felt like an out-of-body experience.
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Michael Thomas Kozlowski
Apr. 10, 1953 - Dec. 31, 2000 |
We come here today to mourn the untimely loss of a dear
friend, husband, father, brother, relative, and fellow geek. But more
importantly, we come to celebrate a life lived to the fullest by a
just and loving man.
Who was Koz?
Koz called himself the Big Bear. He was not a ferocious bear—just a
giant Teddy bear. He had a generous, childlike spirit, a curious mind, a loving
heart, a winning sense of humor, but above all, a vast zest for life.
Koz could be compared to two movie characters. He was in
many ways a grown-up version of Ferris Bueller, and a male, geek version of Babbette
from the film “
Babbette’s Feast.”
Like Ferris Bueller, Koz was a bit of a prankster, but his
little tricks were always meant to help and delight his friends and family. This year he hid rolls of pennies
in a package of sox for Sam at Christmas. After Celia complained repeatedly
about his pulling the sheets out from the bottom of the bed at night, he pulled
every summer camper’s favorite prank -- he short-sheeted Celia’s side of the
bed.
Like Ferris Bueller, Koz was charismatic, lucky, and
lovable—he made you want to join his parade and dance and sing to
Danke Shoen or Twist and Shout. And like Ferris Bueller, Koz believed there was no problem
that couldn’t be tackled with a creative technological fix—a new gizmo, a
program, some software, a re-wiring. When his beloved Westfalia van was in
peril of failing inspection because the
 |
Koz's Westphalia van with Dave, above,
and Sam playing computer games on a
trip to Maine |
defroster didn’t work, Celia jokingly
suggested installing a hair drier in it. An hour and a half later, the fan and
heater had been removed from a spare hair drier, the electricity converted from
AC to DC, the unit inserted into the van’s air system and connected to the fan
switch. The soft hum and small amount of air the jerry-rigged thing produced were just enough to get the van
through inspection.
When Celia proved unable to remember to close the cupboard
doors, he installed light-sensing crickets that chirped until the doors were
shut. But surely what Koz most shared with Ferris was his pure enjoyment of
life.
Babbett in the 1987 film “Babbette’s Feast” was a cook in a
sad, aging Danish village. When she wins 10,000 francs in the lottery, she
spends the entire sum on an astonishingly sumptuous feast that she lovingly
prepares for her conservative employers and their spartan Lutheran neighbors.
Like Babbette, Koz loved good food and cooking. He saw his role in life not as
the center of attention, not as the boss, but as the one who prepared the feast
that brought people together, gave them joy, and catalyzed priceless interactions
among them. He made a creative, loving environment for friends and family; whether through his
food,
 |
Koz in the Kitchen, many
years before I met him |
his love, his nurturing, or his technical know-how, Koz laid the feast that
brought people together to work, laugh, grow, and enjoy life.
Early years—The making of a geek
Born on April 10, 1953, Koz grew up in Hammond, Indiana. As soon as he could count change, he worked
the cash register for candy sales in his parents’ grocery store. He had fond
memories of early-morning weekend trips into Chicago’s Maxwell Street market
with his Dad and brother, followed by visits to the Museum of Science and
Industry. Later, when his parents, Lucille and Casimer, bought an A&W Root
Beer stand, Koz worked every job, from making the root beer to dealing with
difficult employees. Money from his work at the drive-in allowed Koz and his
brother John the luxury of buying a van, which expanded their boundaries as
well as their appeal and opportunities with young ladies…
Koz’s childhood pastimes included riding his bike, building
things with his Erector set, experiments, and astronomy, He loved playing with model
trains and learned about electricity by building electrical devices and
sticking his fingers in a few live circuits. His love of these activities was
cultivated and encouraged by his Dad’s tinkering and by his Uncle Frank
Wegrzyn. At Hammond High School these interests channeled into working as a
stage crewmember and participation in a Boy Scout program that gave him early
programming experience on the main frames at Standard Oil. Tragedy struck the
family in 1971 when Koz’s Dad Casimer died at age 53.
Koz attended Illinois Institute of Technology, but his
fondest memories of the place had little to do with academics. Working with
some fellow geeks, Koz was able to find
a way of hooking into the transmitter
for the campus radio station. For a number of weeks, he and his friends
pre-recorded the “IIT Underground”—a program of music and irreverence that went
on the air after the regular station’s midnight sign-off. The pranksters were
careful to make their pre-recorded broadcast sound “live” and made themselves
conspicuous in public when the show was airing. The show earned a circle of
late-night devotees and Koz and his friends were never caught. Ultimately “IIT Underground” was blown off
the air by the demands of studies and exams.
Career
Shortly after leaving IIT, Koz began his first job in the
computer world as a Computer Operator with
Computer Science Corporation’s
Infonet Operations. His connections to Infonet would continue until the day he
died. He advanced at Infonet to Senior Tape Librarian, Customer Systems
Representative, and then Manager for Technical Training. Koz particularly
enjoyed this teaching job, as well as his next Infonet position as an
International Support Manager. This position included extensive travel to the
Far East and Europe.
 |
Koz as a teacher & author of
Koz's Hitchiker's Guide to CSVS |
In 1986, somewhere in the lost years of computer science
that lay between the pre-eminence of mainframe computing and the dawning of the
internet, Koz was laid off at Infonet. Not one to waste time worrying about his
unemployment, Koz sat down with a map and asked himself where in the world he
would really like to work. His finger landed on Washington D.C. and the
just-stirring Dulles high-tech corridor. He bought himself two plane tickets,
two weeks apart and flew to this area to find a job.
The position he took was with NetExpress Communications.
After lining up the job and a house, he flew back to his home in Manhattan
Beach, Calif., packed his things and flew back here, as planned, to meet the
moving van and settle into a large, peaceful house in a woods in Herndon, Va.
Koz worked just over a year for NetExpress, then spent a
year as an independent consultant,,
doing database work and technical training for contractors to the U.S.
Army and Department of Justice. By 1988 he was back at Infonet, although by now
Infonet was no longer a part of Computer Sciences Corporation. Koz worked six years at Infonet during this
stint as an EDI Services Support Manager.
EDI is a data format that companies use to communicate with
each other, and it was in this work that Koz met Mark North, a client with big
dreams of creating a standard EDI and a company that would link up the
far-flung parts of the container shipping industry—from giant steamship lines
and rail-links to the tiniest container
depots around the world. Koz joined North’s new business, called Cedex
Services International, in September, 1994 as Manager of Technical Operations.
CSI, with
headquarters in San Francisco, remained a small, close-knit company devoted to its niche clientel. For a
while, Koz closed up his Virginia house and tried living out in the San
Francisco area, but decided it wasn’t for him, although he loved to visit the
area. He moved back to Virginia and became an early “telecommuter” with frequent
flights back to San Francisco.
In the fall of 1999, Koz helped Mark North sell CSI to
Sterling Commerce Inc., a large computer services company based in Dublin,
Ohio, just outside of Columbus.
Six
months later Sterling itself was bought, by the giant SBC Communications, a
conglomerate that grew up from Southwestern Bell.
[Update: SBC became AT&T when they acquired that company in 2005. In 2010 AT&T Sold Sterling Communications to IBM. So, were Koz alive today, he might well be working for Big Blue.]
Some of the key computers
that handle the business communications Koz oversaw are still located at
Infonet’s operations center in El
Segundo, Calif., and he continued to fly out there periodically to maintain and
oversee his beloved Vaxes.
Koz as a Husband
Koz was a beloved husband. He married Sharla Cerra in 1987
and was embraced by Sharla’s large family, the Sitzmans. Koz and Sharla hosted
a series of foreign exchange students in their home, with Koz serving as cook
and tourguide. Sharla also brought her son Chris into Koz’s life. Although
Sharla and Koz would eventually get
divorced, Koz always considered Chris to be his son. The two greeted each other
with whole-body bearhugs last November when Koz attended a national awards
ceremony where Chris was honored as the top political cartoonist for college
daily newspapers. Koz was enormously
proud of Chris.
Late in 1998, Koz answered an internet ad and met Celia. On
their first date he wowed her by folding a spider out of a straw wrapper. The
spider came to life when you sprinkled a drop of water on it and Celia knew
this was one special guy. On April 11, 1999, he proposed, and on June 5, many of you were right here for their
wedding—perhaps the only Pokemon wedding ever.
As short as it was, Celia and Koz’s marriage was happy.
Koz was only half-joking when he gave Celia the modest nickname “Chomolungma.”
This is the Tibetan name for Mt. Everest and means “Goddess Mother of the World.”
Whenever an e-mail from Koz arrived on Celia’s computer at work, Koz’s booming
dramatic voice proclaimed, “Chomolungma, Goddess Mother of the World, I LOVE
you!”
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| Celia and Koz clowning at Alcatraz |
Beyond all his great sensitive new-age guy traits, like respectfulness, willingness to share the chores, commitment, devotion,
and ability to express his love, Koz enriched Celia’s life with his infectious
happiness. He was her rock and embraced the concept that love is not just the
warm fuzzy feeling you get around someone you adore. Koz lived the idea that
love is choosing to give of yourself to help another person grow.
Koz as a Dad
Koz was never a biological father, but he was a terrific Dad. This was especially important for Sam, the son he adopted last
year, and for Chris. Koz was a natural at being a father—playful, funny, and dedicated to
finding creative ways to help his kids learn, overcome problems, grow, and have
fun.
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| Koz emerges from a leaf pile with Sam |
 |
Koz at a Renaissance Fayre with Sam,
Celia & Sarah & Adam, bottom right |
Koz truly enjoyed being a Dad and his joyful parenting
spilled over abundantly to any and all the kids around him—nieces and
nephews and cousins and in-laws; to his neighbors Adam and Sarah; to the exchange students he hosted over the years; and
most recently to Sam’s buddies, including Will, Daniel, Samuel, and Alec.
Spirituality
Koz’s spirituality couldn’t be measured by his time spent in
church, although he put in many hours as an altar boy in St. Kasimer’s Catholic
church as he was growing up in Hammond, Indiana. But if the soul is the source of truth, honesty, courage, and vision, it is certain Koz had a deep
well of spirit.
Koz’s God was not confined to traditional images and
concepts. He found God in the stars—the mysteries and beauty of the
universe; the elegance of mathematics and physics; in the love of friends and
family. On Sunday mornings he cultivated his spirituality through walks with his
beloved Siberian Husky, Voi, along the C&O canal, the Potomac River, or the
parks in Virginia and Maryland.
Koz’s spiritual journey reflected his off-beat, curious take
on life. He was always ready to entertain a new idea. A few weeks ago he was
reading Scientific American in bed and came up with a new hypothesis, which he
realized would be profoundly heretical to people with more traditional
beliefs.
What if, Koz speculated, Jesus was an early inter-galactic traveler
sent to earth to elevate the understanding of then-primitive humans? The
trinity, he suggested, might actually have been a way of trying to explain the
three fundamental forces of nature—gravity, electromagnetic forces, and
sub-atomic forces. Perhaps to make the alien visitor more acceptable to the
humans, he was given human form through immaculate conception and birth. His
many wise teachings sprang from the innate knowledge programmed into him by a
more advanced civilization. As Koz spun out the analogy, he wound up at the
conclusion that that Jesus’ crucifixion suggested that this intergalactic
mission had gone very wrong and he was called home—somewhere in the heavens.
Passions and Dreams
In addition to his love of cooking, eating, and creating
technology, Koz loved music—especially Wagnerian operas and Mahler. He loved
travel and exploring new places; he
loved dogs, especially his big dog, Wotan. Koz was a football fan (
Chicago Bears, naturally), and loved
classic films. He was practically a life-long subscriber to
Scientific American
and
Sky and Telescope. He loved science, especially physics and astronomy. He
loved wood-working and building; long walks, gardening and beer-making. Two
years ago he enjoyed playing a bit part (Sir Edward Ramsey) in a local theatre production of “The
King and I.”
Koz died in the midst of many dreams and plans, large and
small. A succinct summary of the big plans streamed across one of his computers
as a screen-saver: Love Family (dot, dot, dot), Plan Renovation (dot, dot,
dot), Travel (dot, dot, dot), Learn piano (dot, dot, dot), Continue education
(dot, dot, dot).
Koz was in the midst of building a system for launching
backyard bottle rockets, made from soda bottles and fueled by air pressure and
water. He was digging the foundation for a solar shed where he and Celia would
start the seeds for next year’s garden. They were discussing plans for meeting
with an architect and enlarging their house. Koz wanted a big kitchen where he
could carry out his culinary dreams… and a great hearth, dining, and family
room where he could again host a lively circle of friends, family, and kids.
Koz wanted to show the world to Sam. High atop Koz’s
shoulders, Sammy had already seen San Francisco, Chicago, Greenfield Village in Michigan, and Pittsburgh—where they took in science museums and baseball. In November, as he’d done every year for a long time, Koz took the
family up to Norwood for Thanksgiving with his brother John, sister-in-law
Lynne, niece Sarah, and nephew Matthew.
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| Koz with Sam and Voi |
Koz, Celia, and Sam enjoyed venturing a few hours west,
beyond the light pollution of the night skies to look at stars with Koz’s big
Dobsonian telescope. They loved visiting the animal farm of Mike and Sue, and
twice camped out at the western Maryland farm of Sam’s friend Sam Lichtman.
They were hoping to buy a beautiful spot out in the countryside where Celia
could set up a microscope to look at algae, and Sam and Koz could set up an
observatory to look at the stars.
Koz also had dreams of learning to play the grand piano he
had bought in Chicago in the 1970s, then
moved to California, Virginia, and now Maryland. He also wanted to continue his
education. He took some courses at Northern Virginia, but was looking forward
to more classes. His wild and crazy dream for retirement was to become a high school science
teacher when he left the computer world.
